#176 Re-Made with Love and Science: Choosing Yourself Through Divorce and Infertility with Erica Bove, MD

Hey, this is Melissa Parsons, and you are listening to the Your Favorite You Podcast. I'm a certified life coach with an advanced certification in deep dive coaching. The purpose of this podcast is to help brilliant women like you with beautiful brains create the life you've been dreaming of with intentions. My goal is to help you find your favorite version of you by teaching you how to treat yourself as your own best friend.

If this sounds incredible to you and you want practical tips on changing up how you treat yourself, then you're in the right place. Just so you know, I'm a huge fan of using all of the words available to me in the English language, so please proceed with caution if young ears are around.

Melissa Parsons

Hello everyone and welcome back to Your Favorite You. I am thrilled because today we have a very special friend of mine on the both. She also is an MD. She is double board-certified as an OBGYN and a reproductive endocrinologist. She currently is working at the University of Vermont and she's also the CEO and founder of Love and Science, thriving through infertility. You're going to get to hear everything but I'm going to read her bio to you. She has a keen interest in marrying an evidence-based approach with intuitive knowing in the context of a trusting relationship. She empowers women physicians and other professionals to build their families with confidence, self-compassion, and community. And her mission is so beautiful. It's to heal and support the healers and to create a legacy she's proud of. And I know she's doing that. So thank you so much for being here, Erica.

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Erica Bove

Thank you, Melissa. I'm just so grateful to know you and I'm so grateful to be here today.

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Melissa Parsons

Yeah. So I normally have people kind of introduce themselves by telling the audience about your current favorite version of you.

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Erica Bove

Ah, yes. Okay. So my current favorite version of me, so I have so many passions. I think that if you ask me what's the most important thing to me right now, I have a 13-year-old and an 11-year-old and I'm divorced. And so that totally rocked my world about eight years ago and really forced me to look at my life. Like, am I living how I want to live? Are my values aligned? You know, am I making decisions that are aligned with my values and like work setting and all those things. And so right now I get to be a coach and I get to be a doctor and I get to be fully present to my children. And that is the best part in a way where I get to exercise, I get to sleep, I get to eat good food. And you know, there are 13 and 11 of my kids, my sons, and sometimes they want me around, sometimes not. So we're navigating that. But I think it's so amazing that I'm able to live in a way that I was not able to when I just was doing full-time clinical medicine, when I was married in a, you know, really toxic marriage. And so when I like pinched myself and I'm like, this is my life right now that I can do all these things, I'm really, really so grateful.

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Melissa Parsons

That's one of my favorite things to think. One of my favorite thoughts like pinch myself. Oh my god, this is my life right now. So myself and one of my coaching besties like we say that all the time like this is our life. How is this possible? And of course we created it to be this way and it wasn't always this way. So maybe, do you want to share a little bit about who you were before? What drove you? What was keeping you from being this person that you are today?

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Erica Bove

Yeah, so I think I mentioned like in 2017, when the divorce started to become sort of imminent. I had a four-year-old and a two-year-old at the time. And I was also like the new attending an academic job. And I think what would characterize me at that point was like trying to be all the things to all the people all the time, to the extreme detriment of myself and going to all the meetings and all the committees and research and just like all the things that I didn't really enjoy, but I felt like I like should do, because that was my pathway to success. All the while, you know, just not really having the resources to I knew the marriage was like not good. But I just felt like, well, how am I to deal with that? Because I'm working so many hours every week. And I have these two little kids, like I can't even, I can barely charge my cell phone, let alone like deal with an unhealthy marriage. And so yeah, and I say this, fortunately, there was an affair in the mix because I feel like me growing up as like a Catholic person and like living the way that I was, it had to be something really dramatic to be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, like this, you know, frog in the boiling water, like this is this is not this is not okay. And we got into marriage counseling, that was like eight months. And I never regret any money I spent on therapy. I learned so much. But then during that time, it was clear that like, there was only one pathway forward, which was divorce, he was like, I either want an open marriage, or divorce, because I'm going to keep having affairs. And I was like, well, thank you for your honesty. I don't think that's the life that I would design myself. And so we decided of the decisions to get divorced. And so at that time, I would say, I was a shell of myself, I remember going to a restaurant with a friend and just being like, I'll have whatever she's having, because I was just like, I just didn't have any energy or will to like make my own choices, if that makes sense.

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Melissa Parsons

Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Erica Bove

As we started disentangling our lives and I was like, well, I actually get to make my own choices. I get to look at a menu at a restaurant and take my time and carefully choose what I would really desire, right? That's like super exciting. I looked at the music that was streaming through my house and I was like, oh gosh, out with the old and with the new, we're going to have like the music, we're going to have the colors that serve us. And so slowly, obviously, like with a lot of therapy and coaching and guidance, I was able to like rediscover who I am, which was a blend of some old values and core memories. But also the exciting part is I got to like write the script and be like, okay, well, how do I want to spend my free time? Who are the people I want to invite into my world at this point? And how can I be the best mom I can because now I'm free to do so.

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Melissa Parsons

Yeah, that's so incredible. And I can just imagine you being or feeling so stuck because of the time commitment that you would put into becoming a physician, the time commitment that I know that it takes to get into a marriage and have two children together. I just imagine you thinking, and I don't know, you can correct me if I'm wrong, always, like, I can't even do this partnered. How am I going to do this as a single person?

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Erica Bove

Oh, yeah, absolutely. And I think, you know, part of the dysfunctional marriage was there was a lot of just like verbal criticism. And I guess that's the best way to say it. And so there were a lot of times when my former spouse would say like, you know, you're incapable, you can't handle the car seats, you're not, you know, I'm like, I'm an effing surgeon, like, you know, like, why can't I handle car seats? But like, I started to believe that I was incapable, or like, the strollers, the double jogging stroller, oh, no, no, no, that's, you know, I'll handle that, because you're just incapable or finances, you know, there's so much going on financially that I wasn't aware of. But like, I just really started to believe that narrative that I was incapable. And so really unlearning that and being like, I'm actually really capable. If I decide I can outsource things, but like, I'm not gonna choose to believe this narrative anymore. I am incredibly capable. I am not selfish. I've like all the things I had believed for so long about myself, because that was what was the narrative of the marriage. I started to really disentangle that. And, and I mean, I just I think about it now, like, the beliefs I have about myself are just so different, and full and rich and exciting and powerful, compared to where I was then. And I mean, that to me, I mean, I get chills to think about it, like, that to me, and it keeps getting better and better, right? But it's like, doing the work to challenge the beliefs that don't serve us, I think is so important to this process of becoming our favorite version of ourselves.

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Melissa Parsons

Mm hmm. Yeah. And I think one of my big pushes with my people is being compassionate with yourself as you figure out that you have a lot to unlearn.

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Erica Bove

Yeah, yes.

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Melissa Parsons

Right. So instead of beating yourself up like, Oh, I should have never married this guy. Or why did I let him make me think that I was incapable or that I was selfish? Or, you know, it's just like, Oh, like it makes perfect sense what happened. And thank goodness, you know, I mean, most people don't think about divorce as something to be eternally grateful for, but it sounds like you are. So that's, you know, and I mean, of course, in the circles where we hang out, that is a common story. It's not, you know, people lamenting and, you know, wishing that they were back in a dysfunctional relationship, right? How long would you say, I know that we're ever evolving and changing and that type of thing, but how long would you say it took you to feel like, okay, like I'm starting to feel the ground back under me again. And like, up is up and down is down. And I want to order whatever the fuck I want to order on the menu.

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Erica Bove

Yeah, I mean, my initial answer is about three years, I would say, you know, because I think for a while there, it was like, okay, every spare second I had was like, logistics of the divorce, and like, there'd be like 90 pages of documentation that I would need to fill out and just, I'm still working as a physician still had the kids navigating being a single parent when I had the kids. And so, but but I always carved out space during that time to be like, okay, what book am I reading? That's really helping me push the boundaries of what I know to be true. There's this book called Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a Catalyst for an Extraordinary Life. And the author is actually since died of cancer, it's very sad, but that book was so instrumental for me realizing how much I needed to forgive myself, even more so than I needed to forgive my former spouse, I needed to forgive my, you know, my, my younger self. And again, we keep doing this, it's not like we do it right over and over a done deal. Yeah, that book was really helpful. And, actually I learned about that book. And this is, this is actually a person who was a catalyst for my Extraordinary Life. Her name is Jenny. She is a retired OBGYN, who was my attending when I was a resident. And we reconnected because of our divorces. And I saw on Facebook, she was separated. And I was like, Oh, that's interesting. My marriage isn't going so well right now either. But she was like my favorite attending during residency. And we had lost touch with each other, she had moved. And that reconnection is this the wellspring of so much growth, so much introspection. You know, we are gratitude buddies to this day. She's truly my best friend. And, you know, as life goes on, we keep helping each other. And like, we challenge each other, we support each other. And I think sometimes it's the relationships that we have that also help us to evolve into the best version of ourselves, because we're not doing it in a vacuum. We're doing it with somebody who loves us and cares about us and wants the best for us and gives us loving feedback when we need it and all those things. Yeah.

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Melissa Parsons

A loving smackdown when we need it, and space and grace when we don't. Yeah, totally. Totally. That's awesome. I'm curious because I have a client right now who's going through a divorce, and I have somebody who's close to me who's just gotten divorced. And a lot of the worry that they had was staying together for the kids and that type of thing. And I have a firm belief that whatever is best for the mom or the parents is what's best for the kids, my years as a pediatrician, and then just living life. So what do you have to say about that, Erica?

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Erica Bove

Oh, yeah. So, I mean, obviously, like, I think it's apparent that, like, it wasn't initially my choice to get divorced, because I was trying to, like, force the marriage counseling, I thought we're making progress, all those things. But there were times in my marriage when I thought, like, I do not want my sons thinking that this is a healthy relationship, you know, violent outbursts and verbal comments that really, I did not think were healthy at all. And this sort of heterosexual relationship that was, like, very power-dynamic-centered. And so, understanding that they would not be witnessing that from that point on, and that, you know, I would get to help show them love and compassion and self-compassion and growth mindset and all those things that gave me hope in the very beginning, that it was necessary for them not to be in that environment. So, that notion of, like, staying together for the kids, I think, is if you're staying together, but it's an unhealthy relationship, that actually might be worse than splitting as amicably as possible, as respectfully as possible. And each being able to write the script, I mean, you've heard it said, I'm sure, like, two happy homes are better than one unhappy home. To this day, I mean, there is still an incredible amount of pain that comes with the divorce, and it evolves. But we have the tools, and I'm fortunate for that. But my children come up with a reason why it's so much better off that we're divorced. They're like, Oh, yeah, this too, that's, you know, you know, we have this, like, running list of, like, Oh, yeah, that's better. And it was so beautiful. I'll show a brief story where I went to a writing workshop this summer. And oh, it was fantastic. It was like family camp, and like, everybody had their activity. And so on the Thursday afternoon of the camp, it was like an open like anybody, anybody could go to the writing workshop, not just the people who are signed up for it. So my then 10-year-old was like, Mom, can I come? And I was like, Well, let me ask the New York Times best-selling author, who's leading this. So I asked her, I was like, Hey, Ruthie, can also come to the writing workshop this afternoon. Absolutely. She said so they tried to stop us at the door. I was like, No, no, no, no, I have these approval, like, we're gonna do this. And so she gave us some prompts about like, writing our parenthood story and different things. And my son had a pen and paper. So at the end of his like little exercise of like writing whatever it was to the prompt, he was like, Mom, can I read this in front of the group when people were asking if they could read it? So I was like, absolutely, buddy, as long as you feel, you know, safe to do so go ahead. And so he went up in front of like, maybe 50 adults, he was the only kid in the room. And he started off by saying, I was three when the moving trucks came. Wow. And he starts reflecting on it. And he said, you know, at first, it was really hard, I remember a lot of yelling, and they separated the things. And he said, but now I feel safe in both homes. My dad reads me a bedtime story. And my mom, I know how much she loves me and shows up for me. And I realized through this experience that healing is possible over time. And that some families are better off this way. And like, the whole room was like waterworks, you know, just like this beautiful 10 year old who's so expressive. And I hadn't gotten a window into his soul in that way, either that like, he could see the value of how things are so much better now, eight years later. And so, you know, I think as we keep growing and being challenged by having holidays apart and birthdays apart, and all the mayhem and the pain that that creates, I think as long as we keep being authentic with the emotions being like, Yeah, I really do wish we all live together still, but that's not possible. And, you know, now my former spouse is remarried, I adore his wife. I mean, she's like this. It's almost like we're sister wise, we just like plan all the things. And it's, and I see people say, really? Are you sure? I'm like, no, I'm 100% sure she's absolutely a gift to our family that we can work together and plan. And I mean, she's just like a powerhouse. And so sometimes like, it's not all bad. Sometimes you get gifts like that. Like, I'm so much happier that my kids are in that environment with her around. Because I know, you know, sometimes I'm like, Oh, that dinner smells really good. Can I come in? So those are some examples, I think of how it's not- it's messy. Like, it's not like, in one pretty tied together package with a bow on top. But I think it's way better than it would have been otherwise. And there are unexpected gifts that you embrace along the way.

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Melissa Parsons

Yeah, and I mean, I think life is supposed to be a bit messy.

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Erica Bove

I think you're right.

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Melissa Parsons

You know, and I don't think, I think, you know, that the structures that we live under, whether they be societal or religious or the patriarchy, like, you know, they want to pretend that life is supposed to be this, like, easy step by step, we all follow the steps and then you get this and then you get that and like, and it's, it's just so not like that for the vast majority of people. And, you know, I think the more people hear types of stories like yours, where, you know, there's such a huge happy ending, you know, that they, you know, the more empowered they will be to, you know, maybe step back and take a peek at their lives and see like, maybe they don't need to get divorced. But, you know, is there something that they're doing that they don't want to be doing anymore or something that they've been putting off doing that they really want to do and, you know, it doesn't have to take a huge catastrophic event in your life for you to pivot and make changes and that type of thing.

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Erica Bove

Although I will say, I think when we change, you know, other people around us, if they're used to us being a certain way, if we find our voice, if we start doing things independently, I mean, I think that we, again, we're not in a vacuum. So I think that's where the coaching comes in, I think, because that's been one of the hardest parts for me is like, I'm going to be who I am now. And other people might have a reaction about that, but like, that's the responsibility to handle that. Like, I have to be true to myself. I have to be, and I'm saying this because I need to hear it every day. Like, we have to make the best choices for ourselves. And the reality is that other people may not like those choices, but if we know we're doing the right thing for us at that time, then it's just what we have to do.

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Melissa Parsons

Yeah. A little bit of felt discomfort on our part is kind of the currency to having the life that we actually want. Yeah. So I love that. Okay. Do you mind if we totally shift gears?

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Erica Bove

Sure.

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Melissa Parsons

All right, I want you to tell my people how you help people as an OBGYN and REI doc.

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Erica Bove

Absolutely. So the favorite part of what I do professionally right now is my coaching hat where I started a fertility coaching practice for professional women to help them finally become parents or build their families. I was so disheartened going through my days as a physician in the clinics and really feeling like I was unable to connect with people. And through coaching, I was doing my own divorce coaching as a client relationship coaching and parenting coaching and all those things. I just started to get curious. I'm like, you know, I think the coaching tools are what the patients need my patients need to help them get through those hard choices to make empowered decisions to get back into their bodies and find their own bodies inner wisdom, right? Everything's become so cerebral, like, we got to integrate it all. And so I started a coaching practice called the love and science thriving through infertility. It's been going strong for over two years now. I have now five babies born again, it takes about a year to just date a pregnancy. So I'm pretty proud of that. And that's four ongoing pregnancies. I know, like I've gotten so many people I've helped so many people with crossing that bridge that we now have a new pregnancy support group because there was a need I was like, we don't want to stop coaching, but we're all pregnant now. And so I'm like, well, let's bring the pregnant people together and support them. So yeah, we do one among coaching, we do group coaching group coaching is my favorite actually. And I have a course to have a podcast. But it's just remarkable, because I think when people are living a life of infertility, it's not their favorite you, you know, they're like, my version of my vision of myself is to be a parent, not going to my doctor's office every other day, not, you know, giving myself injections every night, not getting my arms poked, you know, all the time, like, yeah, that's not what I wanted when I met my partner, and we wanted to have a family, like, that's not what or maybe it's a single person, like, that's not my vision of what I wanted to be. So helping people embrace that part of themselves that is their essence is their, you know, their highest self in this process. And, you know, all the things that happen from there, processing the feelings, melting away the shame, finding connection through other people in some more situations, and ultimately, people crossing the bridge to parenthood, it's just absolutely amazing.

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Melissa Parsons

Yeah, that sounds so beautiful. And I can imagine how group coaching would be so powerful in that instance, because my suspicion is that there's a lot of shame and loneliness and, you know, feeling like you have to do it as an individual, you know, that type of thing, like you're on your own. And just knowing that there's a group of other people who may not get it a hundred percent, but get like 85% of what you're going through, like that's got to be so powerful.

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Erica Bove

Amazing. And the group chat is really fun. Like people will find things that are inspirational or kind of quirky or like offensive or whatever. And like, we just have this really fun, like, you know, WhatsApp group of like, you know, can you believe they sell this for anti-nausea? Like, it's just so funny. And so I love it. I love that people find each other that they can see each other's stories. And if somebody misses a call, they're like, Oh, my gosh, that's exactly what I need to hear on the group coaching. So it's, I know, you know, you know, the power of the group and the transformation. And it's just like, absolutely beautiful to see what happens in these spaces.

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Melissa Parsons

Yeah. I mean, of course I know, but I think it's hard sometimes. So many of the things that we do in coaching are, what's the word I want to use? Like they're indescribable. Like, there's a word, I'm going to think of it at like 3 a.m. and be like, I thought of the word. But, you know, it's just, it's so hard to describe unless you've actually participated in it, or seen it and that type of thing. So I think the more that we can talk about it in podcast episodes like this, where it is, it's about the connectedness, it's about the confidence that people build, it's about the courage to go first, it's about having compassion and being curious and just all those things that we do naturally for other people. And we have a hard time doing those things for ourselves. And so I think just to be able to be in the group and see somebody else go first getting coaching or see somebody else go first, you know, crying. I'll never forget just my most recent group, the very first call, one of the women was like, I guess I'll break the seal and just start crying right now. And I was like, yes, like the seal is broken. Like we slow down for tears here. Like there's no shame in your tears. It's your emotions moving through your body. Like, you know, I don't think, you know, there's absolutely nothing wrong with them, right? But I think seeing another powerful woman being willing to be vulnerable like that in front of people and like just seeing the gifts received from the coaching and the needs that are met by other people. I don't know. It's just, I'm trying to describe the indescribable.

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Erica Bove

You're right. I mean, I think the visual that I have is like, when one person is being coached and is speaking and like every other head in the Zoom room is not. And I'm just like, you just have that like magical moment where like this is resonating. Every single person knows exactly what she's talking about. And so, you know, I'm sure there's some slight style differences with how everybody does it, but I think when we can coach somebody and they're getting coached on their experience, then other people get the benefit of hearing and not being directly coached, but then they can also realize how that applies to their situation. And a lot of times, I mean, I will open it up to the group and I'll be like, Hey, who has, and I always say we have all these strategies for venting and, you know, and getting out all the badness, but we don't do it just to vent. We do it to take back our power. The role in the air quotes is like, how are we going to help so-and-so take back our power here? And it's so cool because I can do what I can do as a coach and give my suggestions and look at the thought patterns and the feelings and all of that. And the input from the other people in the group on people's situation, there's suggestions that never would have crossed my mind, right? Or like, or scenarios where people team up behind the scenes and you know, there's, there's all these like people send cookies across the country. I don't even know all the stuff that happens behind my back, you know? But like, it's just, it's just when I get off of those calls, I just feel like this beautiful, like, I'm a vessel for this transformation for these people. And I know that people's vibrations are increased. And you know, we do, we start with like the, what the win of the week is, right? Because I always like to focus on what's actually working because our brains otherwise will tell us.

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Melissa Parsons

Oh yeah. We start with celebrations every time, yep.

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Erica Bove

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's similar and then you're going to the coaching and sometimes I I tune into my intuition if there is a similar theme like sometimes it's uncertainty or sometimes it's dealing with bad news or sometimes it's like every single friend is making a pregnancy announcement like whatever it is like there's usually a theme and we talk about it and then once we like do the laser coaching if that's the way we're going to do it that night then I always say okay well what's your next right thing from this conversation so everybody gets to put a stake in the ground and again this is not mandatory if people want to opt out of sharing nobody ever has to share but

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Melissa Parsons

Sensual coaching, Dr. Bose. That's right, that's right, that's right.

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Erica Bove

That's right. But I think it's just nice because built into the group structure is this accountability where it's not like, I'm going to chase you down if you don't do this. But when we say something out loud, and we commit to other people, and we're like, this is my next thing that I'm going to do to move myself in this direction, it becomes more real, it becomes an intention, energetically, things start to move in the universe. And then we start seeking out those things ourselves. And so it's really cool, because then we can follow up and say like, Hey, how did it go with your boss? Or how did it go with your mother in law or whatever it is, right? There's like that, that safe container, of course, that the key is the safety, because I don't think any of this happens without a safe container. But these transformations are just absolutely massive and miraculous and beautiful. And I'm sure you, I hope that this is helping people if they're not familiar with group coaching to kind of get a sense of like what it's actually like.

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Melissa Parsons

Yeah, yeah, yeah. As you were talking, I came up with the word, it's ineffable. I mean, but I think that we're doing a pretty good job of explaining and using examples of how it does, how the ripple effects and the transformation that can happen. And I think, I'm sure this is the same in your groups too, but I think that a lot of people think that they need to make these massive changes. And most of the time, it's just these little tiny changes, these degrees of change that happen that really are the things that lead to the biggest changes in outcome. And so you don't have to want to make a huge change or something like that. Although I would say having a pregnancy and maintaining a pregnancy and having a baby is a huge change that's about to happen in your life. Yeah.

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Erica Bove

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you're right. It happens in those small shifts. We always do the 1% shifts. Like what can I do slightly differently? How could I have 1% more self-compassion today than I did yesterday? How can I not compare myself to other people and know that this is going to happen in the time that's right for me? And like all those things that we carry with us, just like starting to shed those and being like, oh, this isn't my responsibility anymore. Like, oh, I'm carrying all this weight that I can let go of. It's just, it's amazing. Because you just, you literally see the vibration of the people and you feel it. I mean, there's data that we co-regulate from Zoom. It's true. Like we do. But I think that to like actually witness these transformations, even on the level of like three months, even it's like people are different versions of themselves. It's like, this is so incredibly powerful that this is how it's going to happen if we want.

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Melissa Parsons

I mean, I think, you know, I don't know, I'm an N of 1, right? But all of my coaching has been on Zoom, like every little bit that I have gotten since 2018, right? And so, I mean, there's just no doubt in my mind, like, because I've changed so much since then. And, you know, it really just blows my mind when I think about all the little changes and all the big changes and, you know, and all the ways I stayed the same and true to who I was before. So, is there anything that you want to share that I haven't asked you about, Erica?

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Erica Bove

Oh, goodness. I mean, I think that the notion of becoming the favorite version of ourselves, I think we have to create space to ask ourselves what we really want. And I think a lot of us are so focused. I loved when you said, what did you control enthusiasts on your website? You said, yes, yes, yes. Thank you for bringing that word. When I read that, I was like, that is brilliant. Because so many of us are that way. And recovering people pleasers and everything where that's like, when I said the 2017 version of myself, I was always so focused on like, what do other people want? And what can I do for other people? Yeah, completely just paying any attention even putting myself in the equation? Like, what do I actually want? You know, I want a healthy relationship or no relationship at all, right? I want a great relationship with my children. I want to exercise in the way that feels good to my body, you know, all these questions. And maybe it looks different on different days. Maybe one day I want to go for a run. And one day I want to go for yoga. Okay, great. I get to choose. Like, that's my choice. And so I think to just say, well, if you're on a fertility journey, first of all, you're not alone, because it's one in six people in the general population, one in four female physicians, one in three female surgeons, it's that prevalent. And so there are hundreds of thousands of people, you know, millions of people really who are dealing with this and people feel alone. But it's, I think we need to normalize that people are struggling, and we don't have to do this alone. And I think to ask ourselves, okay, what would that favorite version of you look like? Is it to go through the fertility journey and like, have every single thing taken away from you, your dignity, your pride, your values, all of those things to be like, I got to the end, I got to the finish line, and I met my goal, but I've like, I can't even recognize myself. That's not the goal. But from my perspective, the goal is like, how can I actually get through this process where I say, I would never choose infertility, but it's clearly teaching me some crazy lessons that I'm learning. And I'm evolving as a human, I'm learning tools that are going to help me with other situations in life, like parenting and relationships and boundaries and all those things like embodiment, how to, you know, get from my head into my body and let my body tell me and trust myself, all those things like, my goal, just like with any other hard thing is to say, we're going to use this for the good, we're going to use it to teach us, we're going to get to our goal of being a parent or growing our families. And it's not going to take everything from us. We're going to be in a better emotional state than we were at the beginning of this process. And so I think we just have this idea has to be a certain way, and it really doesn't. And so that's what I would leave people with is specifically, if you're on a fertility journey, that actually can be transformative.

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Erica Bove

And it's not one or the other, you don't have to sacrifice your mental health for this end result, like, you can use it and grow and heal and make new friends and find yourself in a better spot.

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Melissa Parsons

Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Thank you for sharing your beautiful energy with us. I think people are really going to enjoy your story and love how you help people. Tell us how we can find you.

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Erica Bove

Absolutely. So, the most comprehensive place is my website. It's loveandsciencefertility.com. Everything I do is under Love and Science Fertility. So, you can follow me on Instagram, on Facebook, and my podcast is Love and Science Fertility. Actually, I sort of plagiarized it, I guess you would say, from a onesie I saw that said, you know, made with love and science. And I thought that is brilliant. So, I started saying that when I was doing my embryo transfers, and then when I was thinking about coaching practice, I was like, well, the obvious answer, and I did all the, you know, deep dive and research, and I wasn't really plagiarizing. So, that's what I call myself. But I think it takes both. And I think in your work, right, the coaching is the love and the science of what transforms the people. And, you know, similarly in my work, that's, that's it. So, so find me those places, send me a DM, I'm always texting.

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Melissa Parsons

Thank you so much. People will be reaching out I'm sure. All right, everybody come back next week. I'll have another great episode for you. Bye.

Hey - It’s still me. Since you are listening to this podcast, you very likely have followed all the rules and ticked off all the boxes but you still feel like something's missing! If you're ready to learn the skills and gain the tools you need to tiptoe into putting yourself first and treating yourself as you would your own best friend, I'm here to support you. As a general life coach for women, I provide a safe space, compassionate guidance, and practical tools to help you navigate life's challenges as you start to get to know and embrace your authentic self.

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Thanks for tuning in. Go be amazing!