#141 It's Not Too Late

Read the full episode transcript

Hey, this is Melissa Parsons, and you are listening to the Your Favorite You Podcast. I'm a certified life coach with an advanced certification in deep dive coaching. The purpose of this podcast is to help brilliant women like you with beautiful brains create the life you've been dreaming of with intentions. My goal is to help you find your favorite version of you by teaching you how to treat yourself as your own best friend.

If this sounds incredible to you and you want practical tips on changing up how you treat yourself, then you're in the right place. Just so you know, I'm a huge fan of using all of the words available to me in the English language, so please proceed with caution if young ears are around.

Hey there, Your Favorite You listeners. Welcome back to the podcast. 

Thanks for listening every week. I really appreciate knowing that you are out there in the world listening and getting value out of the ideas that I share. Today I want to talk about one of those moments when someone reveals something so simple yet profound that it stops you in your tracks. 

That happened to me just this spring and I've been wanting to share it with you ever since. It all started on one of those perfect spring mornings, the kind where the air feels like it's been scrubbed clean, the birds are doing their little symphony thing, and you can practically hear the grass stretching toward the sun. 

I wandered out to my backyard where John R. Loader, my landscaper of 25 years people, was doing his magic. I originally changed John's name to protect the innocent. And when I asked him if he minded if I shared his story on the podcast, he actually insisted that I use his full name and that I include his middle initial. He also included his home address, but I don't think his wife would appreciate that too much.

Anyway, Mr. Loader is one of those South of the Earth guys. He's sturdy. He's reliable. He's the heart. hardest worker. 

He's the kind of person who shows up when he says he will and does exactly what he promises and then some. And for a quarter of a century, he's been the wizard behind my yard looking more and more amazing as time passes. 

Now, I've known John since he was in his late 30s and I was in my late 20s. He's 62 now and we've watched each other's lives unfold through snippets of conversation over edged and mulched garden beds and lawnmowers. 

I've heard about his kids growing up. He's heard about my kids and seen them grow up. I've met his wonderful wife who even mowed with him for a time. We've celebrated the good stuff. We've commiserated about the hard bits and we see eye to eye on most things that matter in life. 

So when I walked out that morning, one of the first days of the new season and asked my usual, how are you, John? I expected the usual can't complain or hanging in there or back at it for another year. And instead, this man, this 62-year-old man who has spent his life with his hands in the dirt and his face to the sky, looked at me with this unexpected brightness and said, I'm amazing. Well, knock me over with a non-existent dandelion puff. 

Amazing. That is not the usual Mr. Loader speak. And then he revealed to me why. He said, I know you're going to be so proud of me. I started therapy for the first time in my life and it has been absolutely incredible. 

So let that sink in for a minute. At 62 years old, after decades of weathering life's storms on his own with varying degrees of success, John decided it was time to ask for help. And not only that, he was absolutely glowing about it. 

I wish I'd done it sooner, he said, shoving the straight edge into the garden bed confidently as he spoke, but I'm just so damn grateful I finally did. And that, my friends, is what I want to talk about today. 

Because in that moment, John gave me and gave all of us such a precious gift. The reminder that it is never, and I mean never too late to ask for help. Look, I know some of you might be rolling your eyes right now. 

You might be thinking, yeah, that's easy for you to say. You don't know my situation. And you're right. I don't. But here's what I do know. We've all been fed this toxic stew of messages about self-sufficiency and pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps about how asking for help somehow makes us weak or needy or failures. What a steaming pile of shit. Think about it. Would you judge your best friend for seeking help? Would you judge your parents, your children? If not, then why on earth are you judging yourself? The truth is asking for help isn't weakness. It's actually one of the bravest things you can do. It requires admitting you don't have all the answers. It requires vulnerability. And let me tell you, vulnerability requires way more courage than pretending you've got it all figured out. 

Maybe, for you, it's not therapy or coaching. Maybe it's finally calling a financial advisor because your money situation makes you break out in hives. Maybe it's hiring someone to clean your house because you're drowning in responsibilities. 

Maybe it's requesting that your partner do something specifically to step up with the kids. Maybe it's telling your doctor about the weird constellation of symptoms you've been ignoring. Whatever it is, I want you to hear me loud and clear. 

It's not too late. You haven't missed some magical window of opportunity. The help train hasn't left the station without you. Think about John for a second. This man waited 62 years to seek therapy. 62. He lived through an era when men were told to suck it up and soldier on, when mental health wasn't something people talked about over pruning shears and shovels. And yet there he was, absolutely glowing as he told me how therapy was changing his life. Not embarrassed. Not ashamed. glowing and grateful. What walls had he been creating all those years? What weight had been pressing on his shoulders that he'd just gotten so used to that he didn't even really notice it anymore? 

And what freedom was he finding now in his 60s that he could have experienced decades ago? How was his relationship with his wife and his beautiful daughters changing because he had the courage to seek out help? 

I kind of pressed him on regretting not doing it sooner and he thought about it for a moment and said, sure, part of me wishes I'd done this 30 years ago, but I wasn't ready then. I am now. And that's what matters. 

Isn't that beautiful? I wasn't ready then. I am now. There's such compassion in that acceptance, not beating himself up for what he should have done sooner. Just gratitude for doing it now. Here's the thing about asking for help. All of us who are high functioning and over functioning often put it off because we think our problems aren't “bad enough yet.” We tell ourselves we should be able to handle it, that other people have it worse, that maybe we're just being dramatic. 

But what if we flip the script? What if instead of waiting until things are unbearable, we sought out help at the first sign of struggle? What if we treated our mental, emotional, and physical well-being with the same urgency and care we give to the check engine light on our car? 

Or hell, what if we treated our mental and emotional well-being with the same urgency and care we give our physical health? Because let me tell you something. By the time most of us finally asked for help, we've been suffering way longer than necessary. 

We've been white knuckling it through pain that could have been eased. We've been struggling alone when we could have had the support. I'm curious, what are you waiting for? What help do you need that you've been putting off asking for? 

Maybe you're thinking, well, I've managed it this long without help. What's the point now? The point is the rest of your friggin life. The point is- that you deserve better than just managing. The point is that there's a difference between surviving and thriving. 

Just ask John. At 62, he's discovering parts of himself that he never knew existed. He's having conversations with his wife that they've never had before. He's relating to his adult children in new ways. 

He's definitely sleeping better, laughing more. He's planning lengthy trips to Europe with his family, and sadly for me, he's finally considering retiring after all these years. That's what happens when you finally set down the backpack of rocks you've been carrying. 

And I promise you, it's never too late to do that. I'll tell you my own little confession here. Years ago, I was not drowning, but I certainly wasn't swimming through life with ease. Work was overwhelming at times and oddly boring at other times. 

Some of my most cherished relationships were strained. My relationship with myself was in the tank. and I woke up every morning with this pit of dread in my stomach. I was pissed too because I had “done everything right,” for years and had done all the hard work to make all of my external dreams come true. 

But did I ask for help? Oh no, not me. I was handling it. Spoiler alert, I was not handling it. It took me seeing a video of myself after drinking too much tequila on Christmas to deal with my family to finally admit that maybe, just maybe, I could use some support. 

And even then, at times, I felt like such a failure for needing coaching. Now I look back at that version of me and think, oh, sweetie, you weren't a failure for needing help. You were human. So let's get practical for a minute. 

If you're sitting there thinking, okay, fine, I need help, but where do I even start? I've got you. First, identify what kind of help you need. Be specific. Is it professional help like therapy or coaching? Is it practical help like childcare or house cleaning? Is it emotional support from a group coaching cohort?

Second, research your options. For therapy, I suggest you check out online directories like Psychology Today or you ask for recommendations. For coaching, I would offer that you just have to email me at melissa at melissaparsonscoaching.com. For practical help, look into services in your area and ask your network for suggestions. 

Third, and this is the big one, actually ask. I know, revolutionary, right? But seriously, this is where most of us get stuck. We know we need help. We know where we can get it, but we just don't ask. So here's your script. I need help with blank. Would you be able to blank? That's it. No long stories and justifications needed. No apologies required. Just a simple statement of what you need. And remember, if the first person or service isn't a good fit, that doesn't mean help isn't out there. It just means you haven't found the right match yet.

As we wrap up today, I want you to remember John, my beloved Mr. Loader. Remember how his face lit up when he said amazing. Remember how at 62 he discovered it wasn't too late to change his life. Remember that he is so proud of the work he is doing now that he insisted that I use his full name.

If you take nothing else away from listening to this today, take this. It's never too late to ask for help. Never too late to make a change. Never too late to choose a different path. Your healing, your growth, your transformation don't have an expiration date. So whatever you've been carrying alone, whatever help you've been denying yourself, whatever step you've been afraid to take, consider this the permission slip, your nudge, your reminder that it's not too late. 

In fact, today might be the perfect day to start. As far as I know, this is my first time doing life as a 52-year, two-month-old woman. No matter who tries to tell you otherwise, we're all just figuring out as we go, and none of us needs to do it alone. 

Okay, folks, see y'all next week.

Hey - It’s still me. Since you are listening to this podcast, you very likely have followed all the rules and ticked off all the boxes but you still feel like something's missing! If you're ready to learn the skills and gain the tools you need to tiptoe into putting yourself first and treating yourself as you would your own best friend, I'm here to support you. As a general life coach for women, I provide a safe space, compassionate guidance, and practical tools to help you navigate life's challenges as you start to get to know and embrace your authentic self.

When we work together, you begin to develop a deeper understanding of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. You learn effective communication strategies, boundary-setting techniques, and self-care practices that will help you cultivate a more loving and supportive relationship with yourself and others.

While, of course, I can't guarantee specific outcomes, as everyone's journey is brilliantly unique, what I can promise is my unwavering commitment to providing you with the skills, tools, support, and guidance you need to create lasting changes in your life. With humor and a ton of compassion, I'll be available to mentor you as you do the work to become a favorite version of yourself.

You're ready to invest in yourself and embark on this journey, so head over to melissaparsonscoaching.com, go to the work with me page, and book a consultation call. We can chat about all the support I can provide you with as we work together.

I am welcoming one-on-one coaching clients at this time, and, of course, I am also going to be offering the next round of group coaching soon. 

Thanks for tuning in. Go be amazing!