#168 Having Your Own Back - Wisdom from my fellow Physician Coaches

Hey, this is Melissa Parsons, and you are listening to the Your Favorite You Podcast. I'm a certified life coach with an advanced certification in deep dive coaching. The purpose of this podcast is to help brilliant women like you with beautiful brains create the life you've been dreaming of with intentions. My goal is to help you find your favorite version of you by teaching you how to treat yourself as your own best friend.

If this sounds incredible to you and you want practical tips on changing up how you treat yourself, then you're in the right place. Just so you know, I'm a huge fan of using all of the words available to me in the English language, so please proceed with caution if young ears are around.

Hey there, and welcome back to Your Favorite You. I'm Melissa Parsons, and I'm so grateful you're here with me today.

I just got back from the annual Physician Coaches Summit in Carefree, Arizona at the Civana Resort and Spa. And I'm still buzzing from the experience.

There were 32 physician coaches gathered together, and the theme of this year's summit was "Having Our Own Backs." To start the summit, we went around and shared how we have our own backs. And what I heard was so powerful, so diverse, so permission-giving that I knew I had to share it with you.

Today's episode is different. I'm going to share the wisdom of my fellow physician coaches - their own words about what it means to have your own back. And my hope is that you'll get curious about how YOU have your own back, or if you don't yet, that you'll be inspired by what's possible when you make the decision to always back yourself up.

The energy at this summit was incredible. Being in a room with 32 physician coaches - people who are trying to make the world a better place by starting with themselves - reminded me why it's so important to put myself in spaces and community with other like-minded badasses.

I've already signed up for the 2026 summit in Portland, Oregon next November, and I'll have it to look forward to all year. If any of you listening are physician coaches and have questions about why you should attend, please reach out to me.

Before I share what my colleagues said, I want to talk about what "having your own back" actually means. It means choosing yourself. Trusting yourself. Not abandoning yourself when things get hard or when other people disapprove. It means being on your own team, being your own advocate, being your own best friend.

And as you'll hear in these quotes, it looks different for everyone. There's no one right way to have your own back. But there are infinite ways to practice it.

When it was my turn to share, I said: "I have my own back by not judging myself for having so much white space on my schedule. My brain always wants to make me wrong for having so much free time, and then I remind myself that this is what I have been working toward and getting coaching on for years!" Of course, there were a few thoughtful F bombs thrown in there! 

This is a constant practice for me. My achieving parts still want to fill every moment, still want to prove my worth through productivity. But having my own back means reminding myself that spaciousness is what I've been working toward. That rest and white space aren't laziness - they're the whole point for me.

Having your own back often means going against the conditioning we've all received. It means choosing something different than what society, our families, our profession, or our own inner critics tell us we should do. And that takes courage.

Now I want to share what my fellow physician coaches said. Some have given me permission to use their names, and others have chosen to remain anonymous. But all of their wisdom deserves to be heard.

Let me start with stories about leaving what no longer serves.

Dr. Zarya Rubin said: "Having my own back meant leaving medicine, and rediscovering feeling through tango. Tango reminded me what it's like to feel human and alive again. Trust your instincts and try something outside the box."

One anonymous physician coach shared: "Listening to the call coming from inside the house—even when it doesn't make sense to others. I fell out of love with medicine, found functional medicine, then felt called to help women physicians… and even made the hard choice to leave my marriage. Being witnessed by community deepened that courage."

Dr. Judith Borger said: "Having my own back looks different day to day—sometimes it's a nap, sometimes it's getting up early to work out. I left a prestigious path at Duke because it wasn't aligned, even though it looked great on a CV. During COVID, when a clinical trials partnership became unethical, I walked away. I follow my North Star over societal expectations."

These women had the courage to leave things that looked good on paper but didn't feel right in their bodies. That's having your own back.

Now let me share what some of my colleagues said about being authentic.

Dr. Yolanda Bogaert said: "I have my own back by allowing myself to be authentic and no longer bending or contorting myself into being what others want."

Dr. Manuela Powell shared: "I have my own back by honoring my needs and desires and practicing radical honesty in all my relationships."

Dr. Stacy Cisneros said: "I believe to know yourself deeply is to trust yourself deeply and therefore have your own back."

There's such power in just being who you actually are. In not twisting yourself into shapes to please others. In knowing yourself so deeply that you trust yourself completely.

Several of my colleagues talked about boundaries.

Dr. Charlotte Nelson said: "I have my own back by being intentional with my time and setting boundaries."

Dr. Bev Joyce shared: "I have my own back by setting personal and professional boundaries!"

Boundaries aren't mean. Boundaries aren't selfish. Healthy boundaries are how we have our own backs.

Some of the most powerful shares were about community and connection.

Dr. Shideh Shafie said something that really landed for me: "Staying in contact with physician coaches is how I have my own back… it's hard to do it alone. I need spaces where I can exhale and not be judged for my 'woo'—even something as simple as turmeric tea. Keeping the relationships up—monthly calls, little trips—giving myself time with people who share my values is a huge act of having my own back."

Dr. Priyanka Venkataraman added: "We're always giving to others. Having our own backs is allowing space to receive. To take a breath and let others care for us too… I can take care of myself here because I know everyone's got my back."

Having your own back doesn't mean doing it alone. Sometimes it means surrounding yourself with people who get you, who see you, who support you.

Dr. Vanessa Calderon shared something really vulnerable: "Sometimes having my own back is taking up the space I need to release what doesn't serve me. I said something out loud I didn't want to carry in my body anymore… it was scary and vulnerable, but it was liberating and healing."

Having your own back can mean speaking the things you've been carrying silently. It can mean being vulnerable even when it's scary.

And finally, Dr. Erica Bove talked about advocacy: "Knowing my numbers, articulating my value, and naming gender pay gaps—advocating even when it's uncomfortable. If it doesn't feel right internally, it's okay to leave. I negotiated for what matters—time with my children and a contract that reflects my worth—and I got support from a great contract attorney."

Having your own back means knowing your worth and not settling for less. It means advocating for yourself even when it's uncomfortable. It means getting support and using the resources available to you to help you align with what means most to you.

So after hearing all of these examples, I want you to ask yourself: How do I have my own back? Or if you're not sure you do yet: What would it look like to start?

Having your own back might mean: Setting a boundary you've been afraid to set. Leaving something that no longer serves you. Being authentic instead of performing. Surrounding yourself with people who get you. Speaking something out loud that you've been carrying. Advocating for what you're worth. Choosing rest over productivity. Following your North Star instead of societal expectations. Honoring your needs and desires. Trusting yourself deeply.

And I want to give you permission for it to look different day to day. As was brought up at the summit, sometimes it's a nap, sometimes it's getting up early to work out. Having your own back isn't rigid. It's responsive to what you actually need. And that means it likely changes day to day.

If you feel like you don't have your own back yet, I want you to know how much more beautiful and full of ease your life can get when you make the decision to always back yourself up. When you become your own advocate, your own champion, your own best friend.

It might not be easy. It might mean disappointing people. It might mean going against conditioning or expectations. But it's worth it. You're worth it.

I'm so grateful to my fellow physician coaches for their wisdom and vulnerability in sharing how they have their own backs. Being in community with these incredible humans reminds me that we don't have to do this alone. That there are people out there who will support us in becoming a favorite versions of ourselves.

If this episode resonated with you and you want support in learning to have your own back, that's exactly what I help my clients do. Whether in group coaching or one-on-one, we figure out what it means for you specifically to choose yourself, trust yourself, and stop abandoning yourself.

Because becoming your favorite you requires having your own back. Always. In big ways and small ways. In ways that make sense to others and in ways that only make sense to you.

Thanks for listening, and I'll talk to you next week.

Hey - It’s still me. Since you are listening to this podcast, you very likely have followed all the rules and ticked off all the boxes but you still feel like something's missing! If you're ready to learn the skills and gain the tools you need to tiptoe into putting yourself first and treating yourself as you would your own best friend, I'm here to support you. As a general life coach for women, I provide a safe space, compassionate guidance, and practical tools to help you navigate life's challenges as you start to get to know and embrace your authentic self.

When we work together, you begin to develop a deeper understanding of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. You learn effective communication strategies, boundary-setting techniques, and self-care practices that will help you cultivate a more loving and supportive relationship with yourself and others.

While, of course, I can't guarantee specific outcomes, as everyone's journey is brilliantly unique, what I can promise is my unwavering commitment to providing you with the skills, tools, support, and guidance you need to create lasting changes in your life. With humor and a ton of compassion, I'll be available to mentor you as you do the work to become a favorite version of yourself.

You're ready to invest in yourself and embark on this journey, so head over to melissaparsonscoaching.com, go to the work with me page, and book a consultation call. We can chat about all the support I can provide you with as we work together.

I am welcoming one-on-one coaching clients at this time, and, of course, I am also going to be offering the next round of group coaching soon. 

Thanks for tuning in. Go be amazing!