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#26 Juicy Pleasure and Desire with Danielle Savory

Pleasure. Desire. Sex. It's all on the table today! Being intimate with yourself, discovering your own desires, and finding out that you deserve pleasure is a HUGE part in being your favorite you. And in today's episode, I'm joined by my friend Danielle, The Sex Coach for Women, who is going to give it to us straight.

Danielle Savory is a master certified coach, speaker and podcaster who has helped countless women transform their relationship to their sexuality and experience juicy pleasure in and out of the bedroom. Danielle weaves together her background in neuroscience, her expertise in mindfulness and skills as a coach to help women rewire their brains and connect with their bodies in the most orgasmic way. The host of the "It's My Pleasure" podcast, she lives in Portland, OR with her husband, 2 daughters and dog Bruce.

"From a very young age, it's like the desirability is the goal. Not our own desire, not our own wants, not our own fire inside of us. And so that starts to dampen down that flame. And then also, when it comes to pleasure, the way that pleasure is presented, is it feels like it's off limits or it's something you have to earn." - Danielle

The doors are open for my group coaching program! Since you’re ready to become your favorite version of you, click here to schedule a conversation to see if working together is a good fit.

What You'll Learn:

  • Why women are socialized not to put any time and energy into self-pleasure

  • The shockingly common misconceptions women have about desire, sex, and pleasure

  • Some steps you can take to explore desire and being a sexual person

  • Why the 20s weren't the height of your sexual prime (and all the juicy goodness you can look forward to)

"This might be, like, the final frontier. Once you figure this out with yourself and with your body, it may not be the first thing that we go to for personal development, but it's one that we can't skip over." – Melissa

All the ideas and beliefs you've had about desire and sex? Throw it out the window. In today's episode, we're going to get into the juicy details that'll help set you free. When you're ready to take it further, shoot me a message for a consult.

Listen to the Full Episode:

How to Connect with Danielle:

Danielle Savory: The Sex Coach for Women

Host of the It's My Pleasure Podcast

Get "Fresh" - FREE course to get more turned on by your long-term lover

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript

Hey, this is Melissa Parsons, and you are listening to the Your Favorite You Podcast. I'm a certified life coach with an advanced certification in deep dive coaching. The purpose of this podcast is to help brilliant women like you with beautiful brains create the life you've been dreaming of with intention.

My goal is to help you find your favorite version of you by teaching you how to treat yourself as your own best friend. If this sounds incredible to you and you want practical tips on changing up how you treat yourself, then you're in the right place. Just so you know, I'm a huge fan of using all of the words available to me in the English language, so please proceed with caution if young ears are around.

Oh, hi! We are back, and we are joined today by one of my coaching friends and colleagues who is a beautiful person. She's incredibly smart and just a delight to be around.

Her name is Danielle Savory, and she's been coaching women for about a decade now to find more juicy pleasure in their lives. So, I can't wait for you to meet her, and I can't wait to see where our conversation takes us today.

Danielle, I'm going to let you introduce yourself by telling our listeners—the name of the podcast is Your Favorite You. So, I want you to tell our listeners about your favorite version of you.

Danielle: That's such a good question. Yes, I'm Danielle Savory, and I would say that my favorite version of me… it's a toss-up. Like the turned-on woman, obviously, version where getting it on and feeling all saucy in my body and dancing openly and freely for whoever's around.

Melissa: I love it.

Danielle: And I would say with my youngest daughter, Monroe. Her and I are, like, ridiculously silly together. Like we take baths together and then we'll just say this, like, crazy,, like, back-and-forth stories with each other and these silly names. And my other daughter and my husband do not understand it at all.

Yeah. And so, that would definitely—"just you guys are so weird." And I'm like, "yes, we are." And we love it, and we just eat it up and we just crack each other up the whole time.

So, I would say that would be my other favorite me.

Melissa: I love it. I love it. So, tell my audience… I think of you as a desire, pleasure, all-things-sex coach.

Danielle: Yeah.

Melissa: I'm interested in how you got interested in this area of life.

Danielle: Yeah. You know a thing or two about high-achieving women.

Melissa: I do.

Danielle: Yes. Yes. So, I think for me, when I first—it was just like when I wanted to be a doctor and was going down that path, I was like, "I want to be a brain surgeon." Because in my brain I was like, that's like the hardest thing and, like, the most, like, complex.

Not that it is, that was just my perception of it. And then—

Melissa: No, it is. It's one of the hardest, I think.

Danielle: It is! Sure is. It is definitely one of it. It's up there. And there was something appealing and really when I started paying attention to sexuality, especially for those of us socialized as women and the vulva owners of the world, there is so much that goes into truly owning your sexuality. And even now, being into it for almost a decade, I still keep uncovering, like, more areas that our personal growth in general is in this microcosm of our relationship with our sexuality.

And so, to me, it really does feel like the pinnacle of self-growth, because it's the one area I truly believe that we can't lie to ourselves about. It's like even if you feel like you shifted your mindset, you'll be able to feel it right away. Like, your body's either going to be closed off or closed down. And we always have this, like, constant barometer in our body, in this feedback in our body, about where there might need to be a little bit more tenderness or healing or a little bit of a shift of a mindset or whatever it might be. And so, that is part of the reason I was intrigued at the beginning.

And I stuck with it because I really do see that it incorporates so much of what is available to us as far as like self-growth, and self-expansion, and our capacity in general. And it really does trickle out into all of the relationships we also have in our lives.

Melissa: Yeah, so good. I have so many things to say about that. The first is, thank God you didn't go to medical school because they make it so that we basically have to turn off our relationship with our body and stay in our brain all the time. And there's no time to even, like, urinate, eat, defecate. My grandpa, when Grey's Anatomy first came out, he was older, and he watched it. And Jon and I were both in medical school and he was like, "you doctors sure have a lot of sex at the hospital." And I was like, "Oh, grandpa no. We don't. I promise you, like none of us is, like, the bathroom…"

Danielle: [Laugh] Like making it to getting it on.

Melissa: Yeah. I'm sure there are people that did, but it wasn't me and it wasn't Jon. And it wasn't any of my friends that I knew anyway, either. And then the other thing that I want to say is, it sounds to me, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, like this might be like the final frontier. Once you figure this out with yourself and with your body, like it may not be the first thing that we go to for personal development, but it's one that we can't skip over if we really want to know ourselves deeply.

Danielle: Yes. Deeply. Yeah. And I think that—I love that you said it's like the final frontier because I really see that. And I see that time and time again with clients, especially clients that are coaches. Cause I work with a lot of coaches too, right? It's like they've done so much of this work. They understand it so, like intricately, but then they get into this realm and they're like, oh. And that's when things really catapult.

And it's almost when the other things congeal. It's like they've learned all these lessons in all these places, but then they're just like becoming this, like, whole,, like, it all fits together nicely.

It's like you finally have your full puzzle put together. Yeah.

Melissa: There's so many jokes there, but I will leave them.

Danielle: Yes.

Melissa: So, I guess for me, one of the million dollar questions is, why do you think that we, who are socialized as women, don't tend to spend a lot of time and energy to have more pleasure in our lives?

Danielle: Yeah, I think that's really the million dollar question. But I think, the way that we… one of the ways that I see that we've been socialized is really about, from a very young age—I see it trying to happen to my girls—is to be desirable. And I don't just mean in a sexual way, right? It's to be kind, to be agreeable, to not take up too much space, to follow the rules, to not make a scene. There's all of these different ways where it's really like when you get down to it, it's "be desirable for other people." Like fit into the box, follow all of these rules. And we're not taught, and from a very young age, it's, like, the desirability is the goal.

Not our own desire, not our own wants, not our own fire inside of us. And so, that starts to dampen down that flame. And then also when it comes to pleasure, the way that pleasure is presented is it does feel like it's off limits or it's something you have to earn. It's a reward. Like even I remember at a young age, like hearing my mom or her friends or other people like, "oh, I really earned this piece of birthday cake." Like you needed to earn this indulgent pleasure. You needed to earn a weekend to rest. You needed to earn a girl's night out. Like just the way that we talk about fun and pleasure as something that's worthy, but when you look at the mental load and the things and the expectations that are presented to so many women, it's "do we ever get to the place where we've finished?"

And so, it's like pretty soon, the pleasure keeps getting pushed off and pushed off because the inner narrative is "I haven't earned it yet."

And so, we keep denying ourselves these certain pleasures. And because we need pleasure as human beings, we'll turn quickly to these more false pleasures or superficial pleasures.

Because we still need that part of those neurochemicals in our brain to have happiness. But it's not this, like nourishing pleasure, because we just don't know how else to start incorporating it into our everyday existence.

Melissa: Yeah, as a pediatrician, one of the things that I noticed when parents would come in and they were upset with their kids' behavior that they didn't see as desirable or palatable or whatever, and they wanted their girls—and we'll talk about girls, it's boys too—but they're girls to behave, and to not be defiant, and to not stand out, and not go against the grain, that type of thing. And I would always say, "let's fast forward to when your daughter is a teenager or a young adult and she's being asked to do something that she doesn't want to do." Yeah. And our message to her has been comply.

Danielle: Yes.

Melissa: Don't defy. Be palatable. And I'm like, "that is not the message that you want to be giving them."

Danielle: No. Or just going along with stuff. Like acquiesce. So often I hear from women that are in heterosexual relationships, like their husband will initiate and it's just easier saying yes than it is saying no, for a number of different reasons. Like it just becomes part of the habit over time. Like it might not have started that way, but over time. Because it's, like, maybe they're going to be grumpy, maybe they're going to be like, "is there something wrong?" Or they'll feel bad and then you have to manage their guilt or manage the way that they're feeling rejected. Or you just don't want to get into it. Or you don't want to lie and say, "I have a headache," you know, when you don't really have a headache.

Like there's all these things. It's, like, compliant. Acquiesce is, like, this easier path. And oftentimes, what women will revert to because of this messaging that it's easier to go along than to really check in with yourself and be like, "but is this a hell yes for me? Does the idea of this light me up?"

And that also goes, like you asking, like, about pleasure. It's like the way that we learned about sex is it isn't really that pleasurable for us as women. So, let's just be, like, honest here.

The way that we're taught about it, and thought about it, is, like, we were doing nobody any favors at all with the way that sex is considered.

Just the P and the V.

Melissa: Yeah. Oh yeah. And for me personally, as a recovering Catholic, there was lots of shame placed on me. And not by my parents, like, it to be clear. This was from church and society, and, like, messaging that I was getting in school and that type of thing.

But just shame placed on sex, placed on pleasure, placed on my body, and this is the work that I think that we all have to do. To overcome some of that programming that we were just all raised with, for better or for worse. Obviously, I don't think it's for better, it's for worse.

And the idea that the only reason to have sex was to procreate and—

Danielle: Keep your husband happy.

Melissa: Yeah.

Danielle: All that. Totally.

Melissa: Yeah.

Danielle: Or this is what a good marriage looks like. And I think that it's just so fascinating.

And I love that you brought that up, because it is, it's not just like we're being taught explicitly it, whether it's your parents or, we are in a lot of ways being taught explicitly, but then you get to a certain age, you're like, "but then you should be a good wife, then you should be in this good relationship, and this is, like, what a relationship is supposed to look like."

But you don't understand that when your brain was the most malleable, when your nervous system was the most impressionable, this was taught as a threat. And the fact that it's been a threat for your whole life and not a safe space to explore, and then just because you have a certificate in front of you, or because somebody told you, like L-O-V-E-U, then you're supposed to drop your panties and be all excited about it. And it's no, that's not how the body and the brain work. We have to acknowledge that part.

Melissa: Oh, my goodness. It's so layered and so nuanced. And, like, I know that you and I could probably talk about it for days, weeks, months, and just how fucked up it all is and…

Okay. My next question is: I have some listeners out there I'm sure who might be struggling to see themselves as desirable sexual beings, who actually deserve pleasure on a daily basis, not as a reward, not as a prize for anything, but just because they are human beings with a hella amount of nerve endings in these body parts. They were put there for a reason. What do you think is the first step for them if they want to explore this, like desirability and, being a sexual, being a little bit more?

Danielle: Yeah, the first thing that I would say is usually when we acknowledge where we're at, there is a tone of judgment with the acknowledgment.

So, the first step is really acknowledging exactly where you're at without the next—it's like a knee-jerk reactionary thought or a tone of "I shouldn't be here." That is so important, especially when we're going into our sexuality and our desire, because by doing that, then you're starting to shut down. You're telling yourself like, "you're wrong, you're not okay. Where we're at isn't, okay, this should be easy for you. You should just be more turned on. You should be more sexual." And we really want to be like, "oh, like, here I am right now. Oh woman, I love you." Like we're wired for so much.

Let's just see. Let's learn how to access that. So, it's—you can just hear in my tone. It's like such, like, love and acceptance. Because I think a lot of times when people want to grow in this area, it does come from a little bit of a layer. Of, "I need to fix this," or "there's something wrong," or "I should have learned this by now. I can't believe I'm, insert whatever age, and I don't have this relationship with myself or my partner." There tends to be so much heaviness around it. It's just, oh, listen to what… listen to all I just talked about. This is the reason why.

Melissa: Yeah.

Danielle: So, we just want to be like, "oh, of course, love." Like, of course, you haven't learned how to open up to receiving pleasure. Of course, you haven't learned how to tap into your sensuality. And I can't wait. And I say we, it's obviously "you are." You're one whole person. But when I'm talking to me, I'm like, "oh, but I can't wait to find out what that's like for us to tap into this, and I can't wait to see how your body moves when you're feeling turned on and lit up. And I can't wait to see, like, the waves of pleasure rippling through you. It's what you're looking forward to with so much, just like syrupy encouragement.

Melissa: Yeah, I mean I think that based on what we talked about for the first several minutes of this episode, like of course it makes sense that we are exactly where we're at. And I love the idea of meeting ourselves where we're at. And I love the idea of talking about it as "we." Because I am talking to my nine-year-old self who is shamed for having boobs. I am talking about my 14-year-old self who was like, "you may not get pregnant. That is not an option for you." I'm talking to my 19-year-old self who was afraid. Like I'm talking to my thirty-two-year-old self who just had my second baby and was like, "what the hell?" It is a "we." Like all of those versions of me, I'm bringing with me to meet where I am. So, I love that.

Danielle: Yeah. Yeah. And it's also your body, right? Like I think that so often we just don't have this relationship with our body. Like so much of the work that I do with women, it's like seeing your body as, like, almost, like, a separate person. And how would you communicate? How would you relate? How would you touch it? How would you like, incorporate that into, like, your daily life?

And so, even seeing yes, there's us and, like, our soul and our heart and our mind, and there's our body and creating this really cohesive, like, beautiful, loving, and compassionate relationship between all the parts that are you.

Melissa: Yeah. So good. So good. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You ready for the next question?

Danielle: Yes. Do you think I answered that? Are people like, "okay, cool. I talked nice to myself, but?"

Melissa: Yeah. No, I think you answered it. And I think it also goes to even like the clothes that we wear, like that feel good on our body. It goes to the foods that we put into our body that make it feel good. It goes to getting enough rest at night, or during the day, or whenever it is that you're sleeping. It's like all of those things of treating your body and your whole being with kindness.

Danielle: Yeah, and I think the other part, especially if you are specifically thinking about, like, that sexuality piece and that desire piece, just understanding this is what you're actually wired for.

Like your brain has pleasure centers. Your body, like you mentioned, it's got all these juicy nerve endings to deliver pleasure right to you. And so, when we see that we're truly wired for connection, we're wired for pleasure, we're wired for, like, this loving thing, of course… it's of course, I'm worthy of experiencing that! Of course, I'm deserving. Like I'm literally made to have those sorts of experiences.

Melissa: Yeah. And I think, for those of us who are partnered, obviously it can be with our partner. For those of us who are not, and for those of us who are, it can just be with ourselves.

Danielle: Yes. Yeah.

Melissa: And I think for me, like recognizing that I deserve pleasure, just myself, like, that is so huge. And the more that I figure out what brings my body pleasure, the more it helps me to tell my partner what brings me pleasure and that type of thing. So, good. All right. Since you've been doing this for about a decade, what are some of the common misconceptions among us as women about desire?

Danielle: The biggest misconception is that it just happens, right? Oh, I'm just, I hear all the time, like, "I'm just out in the mood," or "I'm so tired," or "that it completely, like, drops off at a certain age or a certain point in your relationship." Like you just don't have it anymore. I see it a lot, like, with long-term partnerships. Yeah, it's of course we don't have the desire we once had, so I think that is that it's not like something that we can create. So, it's out of our control. We have to just wait for it. And if it's not there, then there's nothing to do. I think that's the biggest misconception.

Melissa: Yeah, that would suck. I'm glad I don't have that one.

Danielle: Yeah, but it's like you hear it all the time. You see it on shows, right? Like before, when there was more of the sitcom era—

Melissa: Yeah.

Danielle: —you know, of shows, like, that is the common theme that you see. Especially heterosexual married couples, is like the man, and it's "no, I'm tired and what are you…" or "I have to give it to you." Or "you are not deserving." Or you give the honey do list, like "you get this done and then you'll get this."

Like there's all of this dialogue and narrative, really, that we shouldn't be in the mood and that's normal. We should just take that. It's "oh, I should just not have happiness in my life. Fine." It's like having that same idea that we can't create our happiness. And that we can't make ourselves more happy. That would be the biggest one, I would say, is the common misconception with desire. And I think that, a lot of times, we use desire and arousal interchangeably, and also desire and libido interchangeably. And I don't see these all as the same thing. And so, I think that when we use them all the time as the same word, it can get very confusing.

Melissa: Okay. What would you say about common misconceptions among us women about pleasure? I think you've already answered it, but I would be interested to hear.

Danielle: Yeah. I think the common misconception about pleasure is like, number one, I think a lot of women in general are turned off by that word, which I think is so fascinating. The fact that we're turned off by that word, like it sounds "ooh, I don't know if I really like the word pleasure." And I think again, the common misconception is that it is off limits, or it can't be, like, nourishing. Like I rarely hear women talk about pleasure as this thing to really, truly nourish.

It's like something that, oh, I should, it's an indulgence, it's a special thing, it's a reward. It's to be earned, or it's something to be hidden. Even when you think about when it comes to relationships with food. A lot of times, like, there might be a pleasure there, but it's a guilty pleasure.

It's one that I don't really want people to know about. But seeing it instead as, like, a superpower is the way that I look at pleasure. It's a superpower. It's the way to build our resources, our mental resources, our internal resources, and most women do not look at it like that.

Melissa: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What about any other misconceptions you sing See among us about sex?

Danielle: I think the biggest one is just that sex equals intercourse. A.k.a. penis and vagina. I would say that is, like, one of the biggest ones. And that shuts us off so much because a lot of women, they're like, "oh, I just don't want sex," or "I could deal without sex."

And it's like, you might be able to just take it off the table when there's no warm-up, there's no real turn on, there's no arousal, and then it's just straight, like, P and the V. Especially if you've been with somebody for a long time, that's just, like, no wonder you're not into it.

Melissa: You can't see me, but I'm making a face of pain. Oh God. Ouch.

Danielle: It's like I told my husband this once. I was like, "us doing it just like that would be, like, me just sitting here, just, like, playing with your balls and just, like, fondling your balls, and being like, why aren't you orgasming yet? What's going on?"

Melissa: Yeah, no.

Danielle: So, I was like, [unintelligible]? He was like, no. I was like, exactly. Let's incorporate a few more things here. Like maybe eventually you could orgasm from that, but most people don't. So, I think that is, like, the biggest thing I would say with sex and how long things should take, that's another thing with women. Like how long I should take to feel arousal? How, like, maybe I'm not meant to orgasm because there seems to be, like, this, the spectator happening in your head or some sort of time clock or whatever it may be.

Melissa: Yeah. It takes us a way longer than it takes a man to have an orgasm and we need—I don't know about you—but prior to doing a lot of this work, patience was not my virtue and—

Danielle: Yes. Yeah.

Melissa: And it's one of those things where, I think, that there are things that you can do, obviously. One of my favorite things to do is read romance novels or listen to sexy stories or something like that, that can help you prime the system in the way I think about it.

But yeah, it's I think I'm astonished by the number of my friends and colleagues and clients who think that something is wrong with them if they're not having an orgasm from penis and vagina sex. I'm like, that is, like, not that unusual. That is something that takes work, and practice, and there are some people who I guess are lucky and it happens, but I don't know that—I think that's one of the biggest misconceptions I see at least.

Danielle: Exactly. And what you said, priming, and I think that's the other thing. "Oh, it happened all the time when I was younger." And I was like, "yeah, because when you were young, like, how often did you think about sex?" Like me? I thought about all the time. I was like… it was on my mind. You think about it now, I'm like, you're thinking about your business, your kids, who got the milk, the mental load, the state of the world. There's so stuff going on in your brain that's, like, hijacking your attention. Like, it doesn't surprise me that you're not feeling, like, super turned on.

And we have to remember that, like, where we're resting our attention is also going to impact, like, how quickly you get turned on. And it's something I coach about all the time in my programs. Because it's women, I'm like, did you show—it's, like, just thermodynamics, right?

It's if you take, like, a cup of ice cold water and you want it to turn boiling, that's going to take a lot longer than if you take a cup of, like, lukewarm water. This is, like, basic thermodynamics that we learned in high school people. So, we have to understand like, did you show up, like, in ice cold water and then wonder why it took so long?

I was, like, the index that we need to heat that up is going to take a bit more time. It's not that you can't get there, but understand what's happening.

Melissa: Yeah. Yeah. So, good. Yeah. This kind of goes to my next question. One of the news anchors recently said that women past fifty were past their prime and this hurts me because I'm going to be fifty next month. And I call total bullshit on this because I think I feel like I'm just getting started. Yeah. I'm just getting started! And although my girlfriends from residency, if they're listening to this, would argue because I am the one that got them all this started with their literal stimulators years ago.

Danielle: Yes. Yeah.

Melissa: So, we have talked about it already, but I think I want to have you either say something different or reiterate. What would you say to those of us who are not in our twenties and thirties anymore about pleasure?

Danielle: Yeah, honestly, I just see that it gets juicier, and I see this among clients. I'm over 40. I have, I can speak from my own experience, but I also have clients in their sixties and they're like, "whoa." Like the different… the depth of pleasure. I think also it's, like, the depth and the experience and the full body experience becomes a lot different because you're opening your mind up to a different type of experience. Because things don't respond the exact way they did in your twenties. Which has us, like, creating more opportunity to get creative, and to open up to receive, and you really do have to almost open yourself up more to receiving—and I'm not talking physically…

Melissa: I mean, I'm all about it.

Danielle: I was like, yes, we all can do the yoga so you can really open up. But, no, like, in all reality, right?

It's like we have to find this different level of opening up, and your level of understanding, and your acceptance of yourself, and your ability to get vulnerable completely changes. And that just gives us more opportunity to connect deeper with ourselves. More opportunity to tap into these different recesses that we weren't going to in our twenties or thirties because it's it was really quick. You could just have an orgasm really easily.

So, you didn't, you weren't forced to. It was, like, you get that quick pleasure; you get that whatever. And you didn't need to look elsewhere where it's oh, you get to. It's like the difference between grabbing a quick snack versus having the luxury to sit down and have this, like, gorgeous meal presented in front of you.

Melissa: I love that. And I think it makes so much sense. Like what you said earlier about in, when we were younger and didn't have all the competing demands for our time, and we're thinking about sex all the time because we were in our prime childbearing years.

Danielle: Yeah. Hormones are coursing.

Melissa: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So, good. So, good. All right, Danielle, this conversation, like I said, we could talk forever and ever, and I'm sure that my people want to hear how they can hear from you on a regular basis. So, please tell my Your Favorite You listeners how they can find you, how they can work with you, all that kind of good stuff.

Danielle: Yeah, you can… I also have a podcast called It's My Pleasure. So, you can find all about these types of topics about accessing more of your pleasure on that. And then on Instagram, I'm @thepracticeofpleasure. I took a social media break for about nine months, which was very pleasurable, but I'm back and I'm happy to share all the good with you.

Melissa: Yeah, let's talk about that for just one second. It's so hard for you to fucking market your services because of the censorship, and the shame, and the bullshit around sex and pleasure, and saying the words: vagina, vulva, clitoris, anus. Such bullshit.

Danielle: It is. It's been so challenging. And I think the thing that's just so frustrating, especially as a creator, and you know this, like, it takes effort to simplify your message, right?

Especially when you know a lot, and you've been doing this for a long time. Like simplifying your message into a square post or a 15-second reel or whatever it might be takes a lot more energy than if you were to sit in a lecture room with me for a couple of hours. And so, I think that's what was also frustrating for me.

It's not just, like, that my message is getting out there, but, like, I'm working really hard and putting a lot of effort into making it work for, like, short form and short form platform. And then, for it to not even see one percent of my followers because you shadow ban me again, or you deleted me again, or you took this off again… like, I was even trying to, cause I'm teaching this masterclass on dreamy blowjobs and not just, like, technique, but, like, loving them. For making it so that you're orgasming when you're giving blowjobs and—

Melissa: I'm here for it.

Danielle: So fun. It's like I couldn't! I just had a picture with a cucumber pretending and I was trying to share it in my stories, and it would just… it kept getting rejected and deleted. And then since then—that was over a week ago—nobody's seeing any of my posts. It was, like, my engagement, because I got shadow banned again from a cucumber! Like, I don't think there was anything explicit with it. It was just, yes, suggestive.

Melissa: My people can find you. They will go and listen to your podcast. Tell us about your group coaching program.

Danielle: Yeah, so I have a group coaching program called Tangled, and it is a 12-week group coaching program and it's just such a fun group of women.

And we meet once a week for twelve weeks and we talk about these types of topics. And then I also, with all of my work, I again, mindset is a big part of it. Brain work is a huge part of it, but I am an embodied coach. I'm a somatic coach, so you also get your library of, like, little body practices to do to really help sensitize things like your vulva. So, it just keeps getting better and better.

Melissa: Yeah, that's amazing. And you're so much better than a neurosurgeon.

Danielle: Thank you. I was like, I am kind of surgically getting in there and rewiring step in a way, so, I'm like, I feel like I'm still doing that.

Melissa: Yeah. Not even in a way. You totally are. Yeah, you totally are.

Danielle: Yes.

Melissa: Too fun. Okay. Thank you so much, Danielle. I love you.

Danielle: Thank you for having me. I love you too.

Melissa: It was a pleasure for sure. Bye, guys. See you next week. Thank you so much for all the love you've been giving the podcast. It is not too late to give a five-star rating and review on whichever podcast platform you are listening to this amazingness on right now.

I am thrilled to share a secret with you all. I have a new offer of group coaching for women who want to become their favorite versions of themselves. I'm calling the group Your Favorite

You, because I value simplicity. This is for you since you are listening to my podcast. You will get amazing coaching plus the beauty of a community of other women who are also interested in thriving as much as they can and who will also want you to succeed at becoming your favorite you.

Believe it or not, there is great benefit from watching another woman being coached on an issue that you have had in the past or one that you're currently having. Our brains just see so much more possibility when we are not the ones in the hot seat. Another benefit is the ability to come every week and share yourself vulnerably and watch other powerful women share themselves vulnerable.

We know that shame only grows in silence and in hiding, and the power of being held by other incredible humans, who are often caught in some of the same traps of thinking that you are, is undeniable. Please, go right now to my website,, and click on the "work with me" tab.

Schedule a consult with me so I can hear how I can help you, and we can decide together if you are a great fit to join my group. We start in May. And the women who have already said yes to themselves and to the group are a wonderful group of humans. We're all on a journey to becoming their favorite versions of themselves. Join us. You won't regret it.

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