#214: Somewhere to Practice

Hey, this is Melissa Parsons, and you are listening to the Your Favorite You Podcast. I'm a certified life coach with an advanced certification in deep dive coaching. The purpose of this podcast is to help brilliant women like you with beautiful brains create the life you've been dreaming of with intentions. My goal is to help you find your favorite version of you by teaching you how to treat yourself as your own best friend.

If this sounds incredible to you and you want practical tips on changing up how you treat yourself, then you're in the right place. Just so you know, I'm a huge fan of using all of the words available to me in the English language, so please proceed with caution if young ears are around.

You know that moment when you're driving home and you're replaying the conversation? The one where you said yes when you actually meant no, or you stayed quiet, or you explained yourself for many paragraphs to someone who only needed one sentence, and you think, "I know better than this. I literally talked about this in therapy. I read the book about it. I've listened to the podcast." And maybe you've even listened to this podcast that you're listening to now.

Here's what I want you to hear today. You are not missing information. You are very likely one of the most informed women on the planet. What you're missing is somewhere to practice. That's what this whole episode is about, where the practice actually happens, why knowing better isn't the same as doing differently, and two places I'd love to practice with you this year. One of them is free, and it starts on November 16th. Let's get into it.

Hi. I'm still Melissa Parsons. Welcome to Your Favorite You. I'm still your favorite life coach. And before that, many of you know that I spent 22 years as a pediatrician. I help accomplish women who can handle just about anything except putting themselves first. And if that sentence made you go, "Hmm, rude," welcome. You're in the right place. Today's a little different. I've got some exciting things to tell you about, and I'll get to them, but I don't actually want this to be an infomercial. I want you to walk away from this episode with something you can actually use this week, whether or not you ever work with me. So let's start with a story. Many of you have already heard it. Stay with me because I wanna tell it from a different angle today.

When I was 44 years old, I had the life I had spent decades trying to build. A husband I loved, two sons, they were 15 and 12 years old at the time, a very successful career as a pediatrician, family to celebrate with on both sides. And that Christmas, I spent Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with my in-laws. On paper, it was exactly what I'd always wanted. I'd also spent both of those days drinking and eating everything in sight and not really being present for any of it. The day after Christmas, I watched a video of myself singing karaoke with my brother-in-law. There was also some video of me singing karaoke with my hubby. I was wearing this billowy shirt to hide my body, and I was, let's just say, beyond tipsy. I looked at that woman on the screen, and I knew this is not the example I wanna set for my boys. Now, at the time, I thought the problem was food and alcohol, and that was part of it. But what was much more true was this: I needed to change my relationship with myself.

And here's the part I want you to really hear. I did not lack information. I was a physician. I could have given you a lecture on alcohol and the liver. I knew all of it. Knowing it didn't change a thing. What changed was this. The day after that video, I started listening to a podcast. The woman who hosted it, Katrina Ubel, became my first life coach. Within two weeks, I hired her, and for the first time, I had a place to bring what was actually happening in my real life week after week and a place to start practicing something different.

At the beginning, I only had a tiny bit of belief that I could change. So for a while, I had to borrow some of my coach's belief in me, and lucky for me, that was enough to get started. That's the whole reason I do what I do now. I've been coaching women myself since 2020, and I've seen it hundreds of times. The insight is not the hard part. The practice of doing something different when the hard shit shows up is the hard part.

So let's talk about why knowing better doesn't automatically mean doing differently. Because if you're anything like the women I coach, you've probably decided the problem is you, that you're not disciplined enough, not smart enough, not trying hard enough. I want to offer you a much kinder explanation and I think a more accurate one.

Understanding your behavior and changing your behavior are two completely different skills. Understanding happens in your head. You can do it while you're on the couch, while you're reading a book, while you're in the car listening to a podcast. Changing happens in the moment, when your mother-in-law asks about Christmas, when your boss asks you to cover just this once, when your husband disagrees with the decision you've already made. That's when you need it, and that's exactly when all of the beautiful insight goes straight out the window. It's like reading about swimming. You can know everything about the breaststroke, then you get in the deep end, and lo and behold, your body does what it's always done.

Here's the other piece. You know that voice that says, "Seriously? Again, Melissa? You know this." I wanna introduce it to you a little differently. That voice is part of you, and so is the part that over-explains, the part that says yes before you've even checked your calendar, the part that can't sit still while you're on vacation. Those parts are not your enemies. They've been working so hard. Most of them showed up a long, long time ago to keep you safe, to keep you loved, to keep the people around you okay. And honestly, they've been doing a damn good job. That's how you've gotten to be the reliable one, the one that everyone else counts on. They've just been running the show for longer than they needed to.

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So when you catch yourself doing the old thing, instead of asking, "Why do I keep sabotaging myself?" try this question: What might this part of me be protecting me from? Is it a hard conversation? Is it someone else's disappointment? Is it finding out what you'd have to decide if nothing changed? What you've been calling self-sabotage might actually be self-protection. That's a much kinder, much more useful place to start. You don't have to fight that part, and you certainly don't have to silence it. You just don't have to let it drive anymore. That's what I mean when I talk about being on your own side.

Here's the catch. It's really, really hard to see yourself when you're inside the pattern. That's not a character flaw. That's just how being a human works. You can see it beautifully in your best friend. You can see it in your sister. In yourself, it's much harder. That's where having a coach helps, and honestly, that's where having a group helps. You hear another woman ask the exact same question that you've been afraid to ask. You watch her over-explain or look for permission, and you think, "Oh, shit, I do that, too." It's so much easier to see it in someone else first, and then you can start hearing it in yourself. One of my clients, actually many of my clients have said it this way. They say it's like having a little Melissa sitting on their shoulder, not judging her, just getting curious about why she's doing that old thing again. That's the goal. Not needing me forever, actually, but starting to trust yourself.

So here's your takeaway, whether you ever work with me or not. This week, pick one pattern, just one, and when you catch it, even if it's three days later, say to yourself, "Oh, there it is. What might that part be protecting me from?" And then be kind to whatever answer shows up.

Okay, now I wanna tell you about two places where we can practice this together. The first one is free, and I'm so excited about it. I'm doing something differently this time. I'm calling it Coach Week. It's going to be five days of free live coaching with me. We'll start Monday, November 16th. We'll end on Friday, November 20th, and we'll meet every day from 11:00 AM to 12:30 PM Eastern Time.

Each day, I'm going to teach one topic. We'll cover the decision you keep polling everyone else about. We will cover the no that turns into an essay. We will cover the pattern you know better than to repeat. We're gonna cover why you can't relax even when you're on vacation. And then finally, on Friday, we'll cover what to do when your life is good and you still want more. I want you guys to bring the real stuff. Even if you never unmute, you may hear another woman ask the exact question you didn't know how to put into words. That happens all the time. You can come to one day, or you can come to all five. If you can't make it live, anyone who registers will get the recordings through December 11th. Registration is free at melissaparsonscoaching.com/coachweek, all one word, C-O-A-C-H-W-E-E-K. That's melissaparsonscoaching.com/coachweek. I will also ask my podcast producer to put the link in the show notes.

And in the spirit of transparency, at the end of each session, I'm going to tell you about my year-long group coaching program. The teaching is yours either way, and since I'm already being truthful and honest and transparent, let me tell you about it right now.

Okay, so let's talk about Your Favorite You and our Tulum retreat. Yes, the program has the same name as the podcast. I love it that much. Your Favorite You is going to be a full year of group coaching with me. There will be just seven women in the group. We start January 6th, 2027, and we will meet every Wednesday at 1:00 PM Eastern on Zoom all year long. You'll also get 12 one-on-one calls with me over the year to use however you want and a private group for support between calls, so the hard moments at 11:00 PM don't have to happen alone in your own head.

There will be no modules. There will be no homework that you're graded on. Every week, you bring whatever is actually happening in your real life, and we practice. Maybe it's the conversation you're dreading, the decision that you've been circling around but not making, the thing that happened at Thanksgiving. There's always a thing that happens at Thanksgiving. Why a year this time? Because the first insight is the easy part. The real work happens with the next disagreement, the next request, the next big decision, and the moment the old pattern sneaks right back in. A year gives us a lot of time to practice through all of it as real life keeps handing you new chances.

Okay, now the part I really wanna tell you about, I've been dying to tell you about. Barely a month into the year, we're going to go to Tulum. We're gonna spend five nights together, February 7th through the 12th, 2027. I want you to picture this with me. It's February. Your ride from the Tulum Airport to the villa is already arranged. You arrive at the villa tucked into the jungle with a rooftop pool overlooking the trees. There is a private chef, so nobody is going to ask you what's for dinner, not even once. There will be several private yoga sessions, a cacao ceremony, a 90-minute massage, a trip down the Mayo River through the mangroves, an evening of sound healing, and a dinner at a place called Holistica. And you're there with women who, by February, are not strangers anymore. You've been practicing together every Wednesday. Now you get to be in the same room. I think so many of us are craving this right now, real community, being in person, surrounded by people who get it.

Now, notice what your brain just did when I described that. Did it go, "Ooh, that sounds amazing," or did it go straight to, "I could never leave for five nights"? My client Colleen thought she couldn't come on our first retreat. A colleague was gonna be away. People needed her. I asked her one question, "What if you could?" She figured it out. My client Gina felt ashamed at first about doing something this big for herself. She didn't wanna tell anybody. But when she finally told her family and her coworkers, they were so proud of her. One of her colleagues couldn't wait to tell his wife about it because he thinks she needed something like that too. And of course, if you wanna hear from those women in their own words, you can go back and listen to episode 129. That's the one from our first Tulum group. Your circumstances may be different, but it's worth noticing whether you're actually working through the logistics or deciding your absence is unacceptable before you've even looked.

So how do you find out if Your Favorite You is right for you? Come to Coach Week first. Get a feel for how I coach. See if the way I ask questions works for you. Fair warning, I'm not always going to tell you the other person was wrong. I probably am going to ask you about the part you played in it. I care too much about you not to. Then if you're curious, book a complimentary consult call with me. You'll get the link during Coach Week, and you'll have until December 11th to schedule it. On that call, we'll talk about what keeps happening in your life, what you wanna change, and whether this is a good fit for both of us. I'll walk you through the schedule, through the trip to Tulum, and the investment.

And I'll be honest with you, it is a significant investment. For a lot of the women that I work with, the hard part isn't whether they can afford it. It's whether they can give themselves permission to spend that much time and money on themselves without needing everyone else to approve first, which is kinda the whole point.

Like I said, the group is going to be limited to seven women, and my current group members get first dibs. So if you're even a little curious, please don't wait until December 10th. You don't have to know what needs to change before we talk. Figuring that out is what the conversation is for.

Here's what I wanna leave you with today. You don't need more information. You already know so much. You need somewhere to practice, and you deserve to practice somewhere where you're on your own side. Start this week with that one pattern. There it is. What might it be protecting me from?

And then come practice with me during Coach Week, November 6th through the 20th, 11:00 AM to 12:30 PM Eastern, free with recordings through December 11th. Register at melissaparsonscoaching.com/coachweek. The link will be in the show notes.

Bring the decision you've been avoiding making. Bring the conversation you keep replaying on the drive home. It can be messy and unfinished. That's perfect. That's where I come in. I can't wait to see you there. Until next time, go be your favorite you.

Hey there. Before you go, I'm doing something different for this launch, and I want you in the room with me. If you're listening to this in the fall of twenty twenty-six, you're in luck. If you're listening from the future, sorry about your luck. Starting Monday, November sixteenth through Thursday, November nineteenth, I'm opening up my coaching Zoom room to any woman who wants to join. I'm calling it Coach Week. Here's how it works:

Each day from eleven thirty AM to one PM Eastern, I'll teach for the first ten to fifteen minutes, and then the rest of the time is yours. Open complimentary coaching live with me. You can come all four days or just the one day you actually need. There's no right way to do Coach Week. The right way is whatever works for you. At the end of each session, I'll tell you a little bit more about what's coming in twenty twenty-seven for my Your Favorite You coaching group because this one's different from anything I've done before. For the first time ever, it includes a five-night retreat in Tulum, Mexico. Yes, Tulum. Yes, you get to come.

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The new group kicks off in January 2027, and I cannot wait to share all of it with you. If you want in on Coach Week, and I really hope you do, head to melissaparsonscoaching.com/coachweek to get signed up.