#136 Celebrate! Learn to Live in Your Wins!

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Hey, this is Melissa Parsons, and you are listening to the Your Favorite You Podcast. I'm a certified life coach with an advanced certification in deep dive coaching. The purpose of this podcast is to help brilliant women like you with beautiful brains create the life you've been dreaming of with intentions. My goal is to help you find your favorite version of you by teaching you how to treat yourself as your own best friend.

If this sounds incredible to you and you want practical tips on changing up how you treat yourself, then you're in the right place. Just so you know, I'm a huge fan of using all of the words available to me in the English language, so please proceed with caution if young ears are around.

Hello and welcome to another episode of Your Favorite You.  I'm still your host life coach extraordinaire, Melissa Parsons, and today I want to talk about something that might feel a bit uncomfortable for some of you listening, but I promise it is absolutely game changing when you embrace it. 

We're talking about celebrating your wins, big and small, and why it's so damn hard for us to do it, especially as women juggling multiple roles. Think about it. When was the last time you genuinely celebrated something you accomplished? 

Not just a quick, yay me, before rushing to the next task, but the last time you really took a moment to acknowledge your achievement. If you're struggling to remember, you're not alone, and that's exactly why we need to have this conversation. 

Today we're talking about why our brains resist celebrating ourselves, why it's crucial that we change this pattern, how doing so will transform your life, and of course, I'll give you some practical steps to get you started. 

So why is it so ridiculously hard for us to celebrate our wins? Our brains are fascinating and frustrating organs. They are hardwired for survival. They are not hardwired for life. celebration. This means they're constantly on alert for threats and problems, which was super helpful thousands of years ago when actual predators were chasing us, but less helpful in our modern lives when we want to recognize our accomplishments. 

This negativity bias means we tend to focus on what's wrong rather than what's right. Think about it. You receive 10 compliments and one criticism. Guess which one you remember? That little gem of negativity shines so much brighter than all the positive feedback. 

For women especially, and of course I see this all the time, there are additional layers to this challenge. First, there is the socialization factor. From a young age, many of us were taught that modesty is a virtue. Don't brag. Be humble. Don't draw attention to yourself. These messages become deeply ingrained and make celebrating ourselves feel wrong somehow. Then, there's the perfectionism trap. We have talked about this before, and it bears repeating. 

So many of us set ridiculously high standards for ourselves. We achieve something significant, and instead of celebrating, our inner critic pipes up with, well, sure, but you could have done better if you just...fill in the blank. Sound familiar? There's also that other thing that most of us do, which is moving the goalposts. So, we reach a goal, and instead of celebrating, we immediately move the goalposts further away. Great, I finished that project, but now I need to start the next one. The window for celebration slams shut before it even has a chance to open. 

And let's not forget the role of busyness in our lives. As women juggling careers, families, relationships, self-care, we're praised for perpetually being in motion. There's always another task, another responsibility, another person who needs something from us. We simply don't create enough space to acknowledge what we've accomplished. 

I want to share a story about one of my clients that illustrates this pretty perfectly. This client is a marketing executive, a mother of two, and a community volunteer. Last year, she led a major campaign at work that exceeded all targets. When I asked her how she celebrated this win, she looked puzzled and said, well, I picked up pizza for the kids on the way home because I was too tired to cook. 

That was it. That was her celebration. This massive professional achievement and her only acknowledgment was a decision based on exhaustion. Then, when her colleague achieved something similar, she organized a team celebration, wrote a glowing recommendation on LinkedIn, and bought him a personalized gift. 

This disparity was striking, and it's all too common. You should have seen her face when I pointed it out to her, with love, of course. We're often our own worst critics and worst cheerleaders. We hold back from celebrating ourselves, yet we're the first people to throw confetti for others. Why am I making such a big deal about this? Is celebrating yourself really that important? The short answer is abso-freaking-lutely. 

Celebration isn't frivolous. It is fundamental to our well-being and to our success, and I'm going to explain to you why. When you celebrate an achievement, your brain releases dopamine, one of our feel-good neurotransmitters. This creates a positive feedback loop that motivates you to continue getting out of bed in the morning. It's like your brain says, hey, yeah, that felt good. Let's do more of whatever led to that feeling. 

Consistent celebration rewires your brain to start noticing the positives more readily. You're training your attention to spot wins rather than just problems, which gradually counteracts that negativity bias we've talked about earlier. 

Celebration also serves as a natural pause button in our hectic lives. It forces us to stop the perpetual doing and shift into being, to fully experience the moment before rushing to what's next. This is so important because it's in these pauses that we integrate our experiences and find meaning in them. 

There is more. Regular celebration builds self-trust. Each time you acknowledge an achievement, you're essentially telling yourself, look, you set out to do something and you did it. And this can strengthen your belief in your own capability, which can fuel future successes. 

Celebration also creates memories and markers that help us recognize our growth. Without these moments of acknowledgment, weeks, months, and years can pass by in a blur, and we might not recognize how far we've come. 

I remember working with a client who kept a celebration journal for a year. Every Friday, she'd write down three wins from her week, no matter how small. And at the end of the year, she read through it. 

And she was astounded by how much she'd accomplished and by how many beautiful moments she'd experienced. And she told me without this journal and without coaching, I would have remembered this year as I have all the others just as a stressed out blur. 

Let's address something important. Some of you might be thinking, isn't celebrating myself just self-indulgent? Shouldn't I be humble? But here's what I want you to know. Celebration isn't about inflating your ego or diminishing others. It's about acknowledging reality. You worked hard, you achieved something, you navigated challenge. These facts are worth recognizing. There's nothing humble about denying your accomplishments or the effort they required. In fact, I'd argue that learning to celebrate yourself actually enables you to more genuinely celebrate others. When you're securing your own achievements, you are less likely to feel threatened by someone else's success. 

You're more able to offer a whole. full-hearted congratulations because you're not coming from a place of lack or a place of comparison. And for those of you who are moms, there's an additional benefit. 

You're modeling healthy self-regard for your children. When they see you acknowledge your efforts and achievements, they learn that it's okay and even important to recognize their own value and accomplishments. You're breaking a generational pattern and teaching them a skill that many of us had to learn at a much later time in life. Now, let's talk about what changes when you become someone who regularly celebrates their wins. 

This isn't just about occasionally patting yourself on the back. It's about fundamentally shifting how you experience your life. First, you'll notice increased motivation and momentum. When you celebrate small wins, you create that positive reinforcement that makes it easier to tackle the next challenge. 

It's like creating little energy boosts along your journey rather than waiting for some distant finish line to feel good. Each celebration is like putting money in your emotional bank account. When tough times hit, and of course they will because that is life, you'll have a reservoir of positive experiences to draw from which can make bouncing back that much easier. 

You'll also experience greater presence and joy in your daily life. When you're on the lookout for things to celebrate, you naturally become more attuned to positive moments as they're happening. This is a powerful antidote to that feeling of life passing you by. 

Your relationships with other people benefit too. When you're not constantly seeking external validation because you're giving it to yourself, you can show up differently with others. You can be more generous with your praise because you're not operating from scarcity. 

One of my clients told me that after she started regularly celebrating her wins, her spouse noticed a difference in her mood and energy. She was less resentful, more playful, more appreciative of his successes too. It's like I unblocked a channel, she said. Once I could really acknowledge my own efforts, I had so much more capacity to see and celebrate others. I've also noticed with my clients that becoming someone who celebrates their wins leads to more authentic goal setting. When you're honest about what deserves celebration, you become clearer about what truly matters to you, not what you think should matter based on others' expectations.

And finally, this might be the most profound change. Becoming someone who celebrates your wins helps you develop a more compassionate relationship with yourself. Instead of being your harshest critic, you become a supportive witness to your own journey, acknowledging both your efforts and your accomplishments. This shift in self-relationship ripples through every area of your life and helps you become a version of yourself that is your favorite. So your self-talk becomes kinder, you recover more quickly from setbacks, you make choices from a place of self-respect rather than self-criticism. 

This gentler approach often leads to greater achievement because you're not wasting precious energy on negative thoughts. Now here's that interesting paradox that we talked about earlier. Many of us who struggle to celebrate our own wins are absolute champions when it comes to celebrating others. 

We plan elaborate birthday parties, we send thoughtful congratulatory messages, we bring all the cake to friends' promotions, and we cheer the loudest at our kids' performances. So why is there this celebration gap? 

Part of it comes down to those social norms we discussed earlier. We're taught that celebrating others is generous while celebrating ourselves is self-centered. This creates a double standard that we internalize. 

There's also the fact that celebrating others feels safe. There's really no vulnerability in acknowledging someone else's achievements. but celebrating our own, that requires us to claim our worth and our accomplishments, which can leave us feeling quite vulnerable. 

Additionally, we often have much more realistic expectations for others than we do for ourselves. We're delighted when our friend completes a 5k, but when we do the same, we might think, well, I should have trained harder or longer or run faster. 

I see this with moms all the time. They all create elaborate celebration rituals for their kids then completely overlook their own. They'll spend hours preparing special recognition for their child's dance recital, but won't mention it to anyone that they themselves received a promotion at work. 

Here's a quick exercise I often do with my clients. I ask them to write down how they'd respond if their best friend accomplished something that they recently achieved themselves. The difference between how they treat their friend and how they treat themselves is almost always revealing. 

The good news is that we can leverage this capacity for celebrating others as we learn to celebrate ourselves. The skills are the same. We just need to direct them inward as well as outward. And here's something beautiful that happens. When we get better at genuine self celebration, our celebrations of others actually become more authentic too. They come from a place of abundance. 

Okay, let's get practical. I promised you actionable steps and that's exactly what you're going to get. These are small, doable practices that can help you build your celebration muscle. First, you can start a win list. Keep a running list of your accomplishments, big and small, professional and personal. 

Add to it daily. This trains your brain to notice your successes rather than just your shortcomings. Remember, a win can be as simple as handling a difficult conversation with others. grace, or getting through a tough day while maintaining your bond race. 

Second, you can establish celebration rituals. You can choose specific times to review and celebrate your wins. This might be a Friday afternoon reflection, a monthly review, or an annual retrospective. Having these dedicated times ensures that celebration doesn't get pushed aside by busyness. Of course, you could always start coaching with me. We start out every call with celebrations, whether we're working together in a small group or in a one-to-one setting. 

Third thing you could do. Try the “How would I celebrate them?” technique. So when you accomplish something but feel reluctant to celebrate it, ask yourself, how would I respond if my best friend, my sister, my daughter achieved this? Then give yourself at least that level of acknowledgement. Next, you can practice receiving praise. Many of us deflect compliments from others. Start practicing simply saying thank you when someone recognizes your achievements rather than diminishing them. 

This is a form of celebration too, allowing other people to celebrate you. And finally, celebrate the attempt, not just the outcome. Did you put yourself out there? Did you try something new? Did you navigate a challenge even if the result wasn't up to perfect standards? 

These efforts deserve recognition too. Celebrating the effort encourages continued growth and helps create momentum. I wanna leave you with a thought. Celebration isn't self-indulgent, it is self-sustaining. 

It's the fuel that keeps you going when the path of life is long and the challenges are real. Celebration, like any skill takes practice, it might feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you've spent years minimizing your achievements. That discomfort is simply your brain encountering a new pattern. Start today, start small. You simply can acknowledge one thing you did well. Tomorrow, perhaps you share that win with someone. Gradually, these small acts of self-recognition build into a practice that transforms how you experience your life and your accomplishments. 

I'd love to hear how this resonates with you. What wins have you been overlooking? Which of these strategies might work for you? Share your thoughts on my social media or drop me an email. And yes, reaching out counts as a win that deserves celebration. 

I will leave you with a final thought that you can adopt if you want. You matter and you are absolutely worthy of celebration. Thank you for tuning in to Your Favorite You. If you found this episode valuable, please subscribe, leave a review, share with a friend who might need this message. 

For more resources and to connect with me, you can visit my website, melissaparsonscoaching.com or follow me on social media at CoachMelissaParsonsMD on Instagram. Instagram, or Melissa Parsons coaching on Facebook. 

See y'all next week.

Hey - It’s still me. Since you are listening to this podcast, you very likely have followed all the rules and ticked off all the boxes but you still feel like something's missing! If you're ready to learn the skills and gain the tools you need to tiptoe into putting yourself first and treating yourself as you would your own best friend, I'm here to support you. As a general life coach for women, I provide a safe space, compassionate guidance, and practical tools to help you navigate life's challenges as you start to get to know and embrace your authentic self.

When we work together, you begin to develop a deeper understanding of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. You learn effective communication strategies, boundary-setting techniques, and self-care practices that will help you cultivate a more loving and supportive relationship with yourself and others.

While, of course, I can't guarantee specific outcomes, as everyone's journey is brilliantly unique, what I can promise is my unwavering commitment to providing you with the skills, tools, support, and guidance you need to create lasting changes in your life. With humor and a ton of compassion, I'll be available to mentor you as you do the work to become a favorite version of yourself.

You're ready to invest in yourself and embark on this journey, so head over to melissaparsonscoaching.com, go to the work with me page, and book a consultation call. We can chat about all the support I can provide you with as we work together.

I am welcoming one-on-one coaching clients at this time, and, of course, I am also going to be offering the next round of group coaching soon. 

Thanks for tuning in. Go be amazing!